Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Honey, Are You Awake? Honey? HONEY!

So, I bought the Paul McKenna book, "I Can Make You Thin." I read it and I've been trying to apply the principles. Inside the back cover was a self-guided hypnosis CD. For these to be effective, you need to have total quiet with no distractions. So I bought myself a portable CD player for a mere pittance...no frills...runs on batteries...and has earbuds. I showed it to hubby and told him this way I could listen when I go to bed just before I go to sleep. I explained that it would be best because I needed no distractions while I listened. Stage set?

10PM In bedroom looking for outfit to wear to work. Hubby comes in.

ME: "Are you coming to bed now?" Thinking...this is unusual. He usually watches tv until midnight.

HE: "Yes."

ME: "Oh. I was going to turn on the news, but I won't do that."

HE: "Are you going to watch it on this TV? Cause I wanted to watch it, too."

ME: "Yes." I hang outfit on closet door and turn on television. Hubby is nowhere to be found. I go to brush teeth and hear the television playing downstairs. Weird because it's loud and the one in my bedroom and the one downstairs, tuned to the same station, are playing in several seconds delay stereo. He must be watching the news on the HD channel, which I do not have in the bedroom. I go to bed and watch the weather, then turn off the tv. I can still hear his, but I figure I'll tune it out with the self-hypnosis CD.

I settle down, insert earbuds which don't seem to want to stay put. How does one use these things anyway? Finally, relaxed, I turn off the light and turn on the CD. I've listened to about two minutes and in my mind I'm counting backwards from 300.

HE: "Honey? Are you asleep?"

ME: Thinking...he'll go away. Just keep quiet.

HE: Louder..."Honey? Hey, are you ASLEEP?"

ME: Surely, he'll leave now.

HE: Closer and louder. "HONEY?"

ME: Popping up out of bed and yanking earbuds from ears, "What? What's wrong?"

HE: "Oh, I thought you had fallen asleep with your glasses on. I'm sorry."

ME: Turn on light, turn off cd. Watch while he goes back to kitchen, turns off light, turns off hall light and then comes into the bedroom and crawls into bed.

HE: "I won't bother you anymore." He pulls up covers.

ME: Kiss, kiss. "Goodnight." Off with the light, in with the resistant ear buds. On with the cd.

HE: Cough, cough. Moan, moan.

ME: Silently counting down from 300.

HE: Coungh, cough, sit up in bed. Moan again. Get up. Turn on hall light. Go to kitchen. Open and close refrigerator door.

ME: Out with the earbuds, off with the cd. No way can I relax. Wait, wait, wait.

HE: Not coming to bed.

ME: Once again, in with the earbuds, on with the cd. Count down from 300. Listen to the cd, wiggle, wiggle, toss turn.

I finally made it through the cd, but I doubt if it did any good at all. And then, I opened my office door this morning, and poor Wilbur came running out. Yeah, I locked the cat into my office all night long. Poor baby.

Now, I'm trying to get ready for work while hubby...he's sleeping soundly. Maybe I'll just go in and turn on the light and say..."HONEY?"

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